My World Is Crumbling

I told myself and therapist #2 that I was going to do a nice blog post today on the PC as I am not at band and have all day and the desktop WordPress is worlds better than this stupid app.. Well, I have till 5 anyway.

So I started pretty early… It is now 6 minutes to 2 and the damn PC only just loaded the page. Over 2 hours. I am so stressed out I can hardly scream or cry though those reactions might help.

I am thinking that it is the prehistoric PC that I am stuck with. XP, Pentium 4 2.8 – really old like over 10 years. It was nice back then and it’s outlived the custom handmade BOXX workstation, but it is just so frustrating… All that time wasted and time is not very available without compromising my aunt’s care which I just won’t do.

So I gave up with it and am writing this on the very limited android app. So I am so sorry readers, but imagery and suchlike will be uncommon treats which upsets me as I love doing that for myself as well as for you.

Dammit.

I think in the second to last post, a simple YT video with a paragraph took about 45 minutes and that was “good.”

Basically I have been trying these days to see the good in life and try to convince myself that I should not snuff it when my aunt goes home. There are quite a few folks trying to get me to see as well. Some rare friends on Facebook, the hospice coordinator and care volunteer and the hospice chaplain as well as the home care aide who comes over every day.

Forty five years of depression and bad experiences limit the ability to see any good things… I have never been happy, for example, I just do not know what that means. I can not relate when people tell me I should be so.

For the past few weeks now I have been trying hard to get my thoughts going in the direction most say they should go… towards a positive attitude regarding the future and what it might bring. It is slow going, to be sure as I have convinced myself over the decades that nothing good would or even could happen to me, if only because it never had. That of course is not counting the handful of real friends I have, who I treasure and love deeply. There have been so many more false people who did their level best to hurt me and always succeeded.

I believe I can change that standard line of self destructive thinking and replace it with positivity, but it is going to take some effort. I am grateful for my strengths… people are always saying that they can’t fathom how I do what I have done these past few years. That must be a positive thing I think. So, yeah, dammit I am going to do it.

Maybe I won’t have to die alone, even.

That’d be nice, but, breath holding is not advised.

I don’t know… hopefully it will all work out… I am pretty much convinced though that I will be starting anew with not a dime once the state and the feds get through sucking the life out of what’s left.

Anyway, peace and I thank you for still being there.

Peace.

Rest In Peace, John Keel.

I am sad to say that  Mr. John Keel passed on July 3, 2009.

I met John Keel at a FortFest way back when. He had long been a major influence on me through his wonderful books, books that caused controversy in Forteana due to the fact that Keel was a thinker, a true visionary, a man who had a strong grasp on the world and used that common sense in concert with his remarkable intellect to posit solutions that only other thinkers could wrap their minds around.

I was a bit starstruck during dinner, but still managed a good time. He told me he’d not be doing our kind of stuff anymore in favor of going back to making money (writing comedy), which devastated me at the time but I now fully grasp it. We didn’t speak to any Fortean concerns.

If you’ve not read this man’s works, and are into Forteana to any extent, you really should become familiar with Mr. Keel’s thoughts. The world will benefit from the produce of his mind for many years to come, and I do believe that you should avail yourself of that bountiful yield. It will sharpen your senses and protect you by providing a foil against some of the rather tinny thoughts that slither through Forteana’s nooks and crannies, trying to infest young minds and old with their varied ludicrosities. Yes, do join with many of today’s great thinkers and read up. Seriously.

I am sad that my friends and I shall not share good times with him again, but I rest easier knowing that perhaps now he knows the truth.

Here are some videos by Dave Singer that will give you a glimpse as to what John Alva Keel was all about.

John Keel discussing “Mothman” from the 1994 and 1999 FortFests. Keel has been a frequent speaker at the International Fortean Organization (INFO) conferences.

From the 1992 FortFest, Keel discusses important years with respect to world events and UFO sightings.

From the 2002 FortFest, Skinner discusses the background of John Keel and his involvement in the “Mothman” incident.

In 2003, Andy Colvin, Mothman expert and Washington Bureau Chief for L.O.W.F.I, the League of Western Fortean Intermediatists, interviewed John Keel on all things Mothy, from conspiracies to interdimensional theories. Do watch the interview… here, and then this one.

UPDATE: There are so many wonderful tributes appearing on the web. It’s very heartening. There is a very beautiful one at Tangible Materiality entitled A Winter’s Tale. Please read it. Long-time friend Loren Coleman also has much to relate on John at Cryptomundo. My best friend is devastated, as Keel was like a grandfather to her… and I feel awful. It’ll be all right.

When Friends Contact Friends…

Did you ever wish that a friend who hadn’t opened up their mind enough to accept Fortean leanings and thoughts as serious… would just go ahead and have their own encounter with the unexplained, merely as a friendly kick start to allow them the freedom to ponder the unusual?

Sure you have.

Well, I’m happy to say that it happened to a bunch of my friends just last weekend. Ha!

They went on a car club tour up north with some other groups of car crazies. We just lost a dear friend and fellow car nut in February to ALS… he was so into it… he organized these types of events for years and years… participating till so near the end. A very brave and inspiring man, he was.

It certainly looks to me, from the last few lines below… a lot like Marsh was indeed there at this one, too… the evidence is just too… Marsh! Somewhat subtle for him, in a way, but a great choice to ease into it. I bet there would’ve been some lively EVPs had anyone tried…

I’ve been grinning all day.

[…] After the show, we had a barbecue at the Inn at Willow Pond and then everyone retired to their motels. On Sunday morning, Innkeeper Bauer led the group on a spirited drive over some of Vermont’s more fun, and less traveled, windy roads that ended at the base of the Skyline Drive toll road. During this drive, Sheila and I recalled a CVC tour from many years ago when Jack Jones led us to Kingston, NY on a Fall Tour and the “Wurst Place in Town” for some great German food. Keeping in mind that the Vermont Tour benefited ALS research and the fact that our Chapter has chosen this charity because this disease claimed the life of longtime member Marsh Wilson last February, I reminisced with Sheila about sitting with Marsh at the dinner table on that tour years ago and Marsh, having been slowed down by a member (who shall remain nameless to avoid embarrassing them) that was not driving as quickly during the day as Marsh would have liked, asked if the member had ever driven in a BMW CCA Driver’s School. When the member replied in the negative, Marsh said, “Maybe you should!” With that in mind and also recognizing that Marsh was the one who had organized the Chapter’s Vermont Tours in the past, this is where it got really spooky, because in a matter of seconds after mentioning this story to Sheila, we passed Wilson Lane. Then, later on the same drive, we passed Marsh’s Tavern. Apparently, Marsh was trying to tell us that he approved of the current tour and wanted to thank us for raising some money for ALS. […] You can read the rest, but that’s it for the Forteana… nice car pics.

Now… if only Jeffrey could see a nice, shiny, close up UFO…